MIL Chronicles - July 2016

MIL Chronicles:

I'm off this week so my good deed for the week was taking her to BJs to shop. She gets out of the house rarely and it will shock you to know I am more patient than her son. So, she leans on a cart and off she goes. She needs:

Fish oil - for her heart
CoQ-10 - for her heart
Joint fuel (glucosamine/chondroitin) for her bone on bone knees that don't hurt

Additionally she gets:

Chocolate berry clusters (dark chocolate only because that's good for your heart)
Chocolate covered cranberries
Madeleine cookies
5lb container of strawberry twizlers (because the one she got a month ago has been long since gone)
BBQ pulled pork and hamburger buns (I think the real food was just for show)
Various and sundry paper products

Her son comes home and I tell him we went to BJs.

Big: why didn't you or she tell me you were going?
Me: because you would have said no, don't go, I'll do it this weekend, do the things you said you would while you're off (I am doing those btw) and don't worry about mother. Then you would have bitched about having to go this weekend.
Big: don't pretend you know me
Me: right
Big: what did she get?
Me: what do you think?
Big: candy and chocolate - but only dark because it's good for her heart - and the paper products she needed
Me: correct

We get in the car and he calls her says I heard you went to BJs and didn't tell me and you got all kinds of candy and chocolate. Yeah, she says. We get to her house because he has to check out how I put everything away (it's a thing he has to do). We walk in and (laughingly)...

MIL: (to me) you squealer!
Me: what?
MIL: you told him what I got
Me: no he told ME what you got!  You think you're not predictable!
MIL: Steven have one of those chocolate covered cranberries. Their delicious. Debbie had some too
Me: hey! Now whose the squealer!
Big: Debbie had a few to a hand full. You're going to power down the whole bag.
MIL: it's dark chocolate, it's...
Big: I know, I know good for your heart. Know what else is good for your heart. Pulling your ass off the couch and walking around!  That's what you really needed at BJs!
MIL: I did walk!  Debbie didn't bring the wheelchair. I leaned on the cart.
Big: good. Oh and by the way, my favorite thing is how you don't think Debbie and I talk. She's my wife!  Did you and Dad talk about everything?  Of course you did. Squealer. Shit. AND what are you wearing. Jesus Christ mother you have clothes!
MIL: it's a sports dress!
Big: your sport is eating!  You should wear pants!

Then he'd had enough and we left. I've talked to her about wearing a bra. I swear I have. He asks me everytime. I swear I have.

It's Abbott and Costello over here. Seriously, I need a go pro.