MIL Chronicles
Me: I'm here to get your grocery list. Is it done?
MIL: uh huh (she's eating)
I review the list item by item (it's a Sable thing) and check the cupboards to make sure these items don't already exist
MIL: where did you get that coat!?
Me: it's a sweatshirt type thing that is made by a tree company. It's for being out in the woods for hours and hours. It lets nothing through.
MIL: was it Steven's
Me: (this thing goes nearly to my knees and the sleeves nearly to my ankles) yes this is the one he ordered first that is too small for him. He can't get in and out of it alone. He has a bigger one.
MIL: well the next time you have something like that give it to me.
Me: you couldn't get in and out of it. It's too heavy and your "rotor" cuff wouldn't allow you to throw your arms up
**speaking her language is easier than speaking English and having her not get it**
Me: plus we just got you that pretty purple cape.
MIL: what am I gonna do it there is snow up to here (gesturing to her chest) with that cape?!
**you must know that at this point she is completely offended that I have suggested she be out in 5 feet of snow in a CAPE! The nerve!**
Me: like you are ever going to be out in that much snow! You won't leave the house when it rains!
MIL: (*sputtering*) you don't know I could surprise you!
Me: you haven't yet
MIL: DEBRA!
Me: you only call me that when your upset that I'm right! (Now she's laughing)
MIL: I do not!
Me: oh yes you do! You and your son only call me by my whole name when I'm right because it causes you both physical pain!
At that point the 18 degree weather sounds awesome so it's off to the grocery store I go.
The end.
The perfectly lovely cape:
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