MIL Chronicles - August 2017

MIL Chronicles

Prelude: our story begins with a belly flop fall onto the floor whilst trying to carry a bowl of cherries, cup of stems and pits and MIL trying to maneuver her walker at the same time. This was the second of 2 falls in as many weeks. The first I changed the garage code, put a lock box in the garage with a key and registered all of it with the county lest they would have to break down the door if we had to call 911 remotely. Remember: I changed the code....

MIL comes home from rehab on Sunday afternoon. She's scared and tired and knows that Monday will bring the first of 3 visits to begin her home health rehab. Monday I am home for the intake appt. Tuesday I'm on the road while PT and OT come out for their first visits. In an effort not to have to open the door (unless you're the neighbor kid for her to threaten) she hatches a plan to have the therapy company come in through the garage using the garage codes. Tuesday afternoon brings...

*Deb's phone rings*. I can't answer because the branch I am in has zero cell reception. I call her back from the land line. Now she sees a Massachusetts number and answers and promptly hangs up on me. She figures it's no one she knows!  I call back. She answers. Big calls me a few minutes later with his side of the story. You have to know his part before her part is funny.

Big:  did my mother call you?
Me: yes. She did about the garage door code
Big: yeah she wants to give the code to all of America and I told her no!  Well first she calls me and asks what the code is. I tell her 1234. She says no it's not. So I say, mother if you knew the code why would you call me and ask what it was?  She tells me it used to be something with 3's and 1's. I said yes, it used to be 3131 (not really, this is for the story. Stick with me, it gets better...). And after your first fall Debbie changed it (I may or may not have mentioned that I HATE being called Debbie ... there are about 4 people on the planet who can do it and it doesn't bug me. None of them has the same last name as me) and the lock box to register with the county just in case. Furthermore you are not giving the code to everyone in America!  Then she tells me she'll just call you and I say oh no you won't, she's working you leave her alone. **irony, he called me to tell me this ridiculous story**

MIL: Oh hi Deb. I just talked to Steven. I was going to give the garage code to the girls from the company. You know the company thats coming to help me exercise?  Anyway I told Steven I was going to and he got all upset and told me no so I just hung up and called you. I don't need his shit, you know what I mean?
Me: yes, yes I do
MIL: what is the garage code?
Me: 1234 (clearly not that, code changed to protect the crazy)
MIL: what is it?
Me: 1234
MIL: ok thank you. Steven didn't know it.

In case you missed it. 1234 is exactly what he told her. He's told me before she calls me and doesn't listen to him and that it's my fault because I talk back to him in front of her. That brought the death stare and he wisely changed the subject. Now the transformation is complete. She'll hang up on him right quick if he doesn't give her the right answer and call me. Because I talk back to him and don't take shit.

So I think all 3 of us have the whole round robin thing down to a science.

I need a GoPro. I'd be wealthy beyond my wildest dreams.