So...Gary has had 100 lives. He has been in car accidents, so drunk he has fallen asleep on his 4-wheeler, and I could go on and on. It started when he was 3 and his mom got in a car accident that was impressive in its severity. Gary was in a body cast for a bit. But now, our story.
Once upon a time, around a year ago plus or minus a few months, Gary was in a car accident. He was so much more than drunk it was crazy to me. I have never been drunk that way. Not ever. Not once. I don't know what he drank but he ran into the ditch. He ran into a BIG ditch. He totaled his car. He hit so hard the steering wheel SNAPPED the fuck IN HALF! That's pretty hard. Have any of you ever been in an accident and snapped the wheel in half? Ever? Have you ever been drunk enough to snap the steering wheel in half? How about not wearing a seat belt and end up only with an egg on the forehead? This kid did. He was drunk enough to be a rubber band and just bounce.
A friend came out to help my SIL to get him somewhere, keep him calm, really to help him not do anything stupid. I'm help him not to another stupid thing.
Of course the police came. They asked him what happened. He told them he saw a muskrat and swerved to miss him. A muskrat. That's the animal he picked. Of all the critters that could be out in the road. A muskrat. What in the thundering blue hell is a muskrat, for the love?!?!?
My SIL called me because most times I can calm him down and he listens to me. Not this time. He was telling hospital staff they didn't know who he was, and he was going to call the mayor! Dialing and they whole deal. I got on the phone and told him all the calm down things. He said he wasn't going to calm down and said goodbye with a "love you long time" and hung up on me.
OK, so let's get back to the muskrat. When the laughter came back enough times he looked up the muskrat. Gary lives in north Alabama. There are wetlands rodents. They look like a cross between a gopher and beaver. Anyway, they are all over the U.S. For his convenience he decided that they live in north Alabama and southeast Tennessee. It fit his narrative.
So, in honor of him, every critter on the side of the road or we see scamper and can't recognize, is a muskrat.
That was the backstory. Someone came to house and he was telling the story about the muskrat and the snapped steering wheel and said, "the car swerved, the ditch did not."
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