Gary Chronicles - Entry 7 - Emotion

 The Gary Chronicles – Entry 7 – Emotion

 

This is going to be a sad one.  No dripping sarcasm or ridiculous quips.

 

Gary is a marvel, sometimes in a good way and sometimes not.  He is every inch Dad.  100%. I’ve mentioned before that they are so much alike, and Gary didn’t see Dad for a long while when Gary was young. It’s genetic.  I have a 70/30 theory.  Kids come as 70% who they will be.  Parents only have about 30% they can succeed with or fail miserably in molding the young brain.  But this is different.  Gary and Dad… they have the same frame of their bodies, crooked and the left side a little higher than the other.  When they would argue, I promise you it was hysterical.  I asked them what it was like arguing with the guy in the mirror.  Hand gestures, same side eye.  Most of all they were true to themselves.  Both of them would say fuck you and move on if crossed.  They meant that shit to the core.  If one of you were cut off by either it would be final and it would not be recoverable.  They loved just as fiercely.

 

The more we meet friends of Gary’s the more we understand the guy he’s been in his everyday existence.  My impressions of the men in his life are as follows.

 

1.     Shane & Amy.  They are a matched set.  They love tenaciously and without fear.  But, Shane.  He is like Gary, without malice, quick to laugh, wicked sense of humor.  Shane has said in no uncertain terms that there are escapades with Gary that he will take to his grave.  Not everyone needs to know everything. Shane & Amy came to the rescue when Gary was in particularly strange situation and their house was sanctuary.  Shane came and indulged Gary’s manic flight of ideas; patient with him, knowing he was going to be pulled and pushed in different ways.  Shane is like the rest of us, he doesn’t like people, but he loves Gary without hesitation and with a willingness to announce to the world, as he tells Gary, I love you man.

 

2.     Daniel.  Another good man who will take some things to his grave that relate to Gary. Daniel has no malice.  He did let one story out from their carefree days.  A memory shared with laughter.  Gary has always played things close to the vest.  No one really knows what has gone on in Gary’s head, he doesn’t ever give everyone all the information.  Today I saw the most ridiculously tender moment between Gary and Daniel.  Gary and Daniel have known each other likely for more years than they were strangers.  A testament to Daniel being able to just have an easy friendship with Gary.  As Daniel talked to me today, he said he hadn’t known Gary was an engineer until recently.  What he did agree with us is, Gary is brilliant. To that I also say, Gary wouldn’t have been able to really hang with someone who didn’t have any brain power.  It wouldn’t have been possible.  As Daniel sat with Gary, they were both quiet.  Gary reached out and put his hand on Daniel’s head.  Daniel stayed right there in the moment, stick still.  And then the tears came for both he and Gary.   I love you buddy.  It was genuine.  **is there anything worse than a man crying?  Impossible to go without tears of you who are seeing it**

 

3.     John, my BIL.  John is younger than Gary.  Just by a couple of years. I feel curtain this has been a difficult thing to deal with.  Gary was around when John and Kristy started dating.  That’s a long time.  John drove 10+ hours to come to Alabama and see Gary.  He was a godsend for one thing… he understands Gary’s language with tools and organizing the 7 zillion things Gary has purchased in the last month.  John patiently listened to Gary’s requests.  Then he got up and did things that needed doing while Gary slept and got the hell out of the house if I was giving Gary tough love.  That tough love typically equals me yelling at him with a quick “I’ve had it” moment.  It’s been hard on John already and hearing the raising of voices is just the cherry on top.  John fixed or fixed as much as possible, around the house.  He also moved around furniture to suit Gary’s manic flight of ideas and an inability to stay on task.  John was so patient with him.  He knew all of the right spots to joke or agree with Gary.  He understood when Gary was worn out and needed to rest and took Gary’s queues innately.  John and I learned to speak with only our eyes. Had to be done!  Moral to this story is no one can be more appreciative of his kindness.  Another good man.  John is a good cut up too.  Never a dull moment but also a good example of someone who must be pretty smart.  You have to be to stand on the same level with Gary.

 

Gary and John have a unique relationship.  They both lost Dad. Dad lived with John and Kristy for the last 12 years.  For Dad being a pain in the ass, he was like the other men I have listed, without malice, he was good to have around.  Even though John isn’t blood surely doesn’t mean that John didn’t lose some one important.  Gary wanted more time with Dad and we couldn’t quite get there.

 

Each of these men love fiercely and love Gary that way.  He may have played things close to the vest, but you always knew where you stood with him.  Gary stood with these men.