"Kristy!" "Kristy!" "Kristy!"..... these men.
You should know that if there is a heaven anywhere at all, Kristy is going. No question and no having to account for any transgressions. Nope.
Dad got sick about 13 years ago. He had an abscess on his spine that was operated on and cleaned out, twice. The first one was 17 days from pain starting and after the man went to 5 different ERs. Finally a doc admitted him to see what was what. After that he went to a nursing home for some rehab. He went home with Kristy after that. Blah Blah Blah, second surgery (they told us it would likely be back for another wash out) to the nursing home on killer antibiotics. Again, he went to live with Kristy. Fast forward 12 years. She had taken care of everything she possibly could. Series of out-patient surgeries, stents in various arteries, neurology, VA doctors, kidneys, eyes, teeth.... I won't be able to name all of them. Just know that it was the longest 12 years of her life, in my opinion. The last few years he was alive were particular challenging with conspiracy theories and forgetting things and forgetting that he even was told something he shouldn't forget.
The refrain above is the sound track of her life. The voice of Dad, and now Gary, saying her name is laced with the same inflection, the barrage of orders, the impossibility of finishing one order before moving to the next.
As most of you know, Dad died on February 1. Gary is slated to go pretty soon. We have been in AL for about 6 weeks going into the 7th.
So these 2. Phew. Which way was better:
Dad. He couldn't hear. One ear in particular was troublesome. He was forever leaning in with...beg your pardon?....I'm sorry I didn't hear you?....come again?.... Consequently, everything he did was loud. He would call for her and she would be on her way and he is calling for her again. He woke our mother up at 0430 every damned day and said...Brenda, have you seen my keys? I don't know why SHE didn't' kill him! I don't know how Kristy did it all those years, but for anyone who loved Wes Louk, you have her to thank for keeping him alive for another 12 years. You're Welcome.
Kristy and I knew that Dad was not doing well on a couple of fronts, medically. Of course, Gary was about 1.5 years in to a 2 year diagnosis with Colon Cancer. We discussed the shittier situation that was facing us.
1. Dad dies first - Shitty for Gary to lose Dad. BUT we would be able to concentrate on nothing but Gary and managing one Louk man would be quite enough for all of us. If they were both alive when Gary needed help, well I can't imagine how many people she or I would have killed by now.
2. Gary dies first - Shitty because Dad would lose a child. I can't possibly think of anyone to wish that on. Dad wasn't super good with emotions. He was good with a "love you". "you alright, baby". "it'll be fine, baby". Losing someone in this way and having to deal with those deep emotions for himself would have been impossible.
So when you are trying to think about how every event should go, the option #1 was the better option. Selfishly, it made things easier to handle without Dad here. I've already been short with Kristy and with Gary at one point, if Dad had been in the mix AND Kristy or Gary wanted to murder him, I can't.
It is still shitty that Gary had to lose Dad in addition to all he is going through. He is about as good as Dad handling hard stuff. Gave us the opportunity to just be with Gary.
The beginning phrase of "Kristy!" "Kristy!" "Kristy!" started again when we got to AL. Same inflection. Same need for full throttle answers and actions. Not sustainable. She was here the last time we came down and I stayed for about a week. Kristy stayed for a couple of weeks after I left. She was wrung the fuck out. I think she would have walked home rather than stay longer.
This phrase from Gary was her spine flashbacks of Dad. Gary and Dad were alike in every way. I'm not cutting this one thing out that was better in either of them. Full tilt. Her exhaustion was 12 years old already. This time when we came back, I'm not leaving with out her and it will only be hours to days for Gary now. This is shitty to everyone in every way.
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