Gary Chronicles - Event 14 - Lego's

Remember last event I mentioned $14K spent in a month?  30 days to be exact.  $14K

So, 6 sets of Lego's.  Apparently the boy loved lego's (this is the first Meg has ever heard of this in25 years) and had always wanted to build things with them.  Who even knows how much these sets contributed to the $14K.  Relatively little in the great scheme, probably.  Know how lego building kits come as a specific thing to build?  A dump truck, plane, tank, something or another Star Wars?  Anyway, 6 sets.

Next were doweled shelving and plastic bins for the lego's to be stored in.  I couldn't understand it.  I don't think the sisters (in-laws and out-laws this time) understood what he was doing either.  So to review we have so far:

    6 builder sets of lego's

    2 tall dowel shelving sets

    Multiple plastic bins

Keep up here.  There will be twists and turns, I promise.  We awoke one morning to find that he had ordered one of those standing tool shelving units.  You know the Craftsman ones with a smaller one on the top and a large one with casters on the bottom?  Those. They are only ancillary to the story, just know they were there.  There was a contentious moment between one of his friends, our sister Kristy and anyone else who was in the room where he wanted the upper tool shelf placed on one of his desks WIDTH length. 

He said long ways on the depth, people who were reasonable said it would hang partly over the edge because the desk wasn't that deep.  Anyway, it ended up the way he wanted.  Now back to our story.

Lego's.  Right.  Boxes were coming in every day.  The three women in the house were irritated on the regular about things coming in from Amazon, but there we were!  The lego sets started coming in.  We would start unboxing these for a few days and there would be these 6 boxes of lego sets.  He wanted everything around him.  Around the recliner that already had two tables with various arms and implements to bring a monitor directly in front of him, drinks in varying stages of waste, a small stand for his phone.  He was surrounded. He wanted the kits around him.  And so it was.

He decided one day that he would start unpacking them.  The outlaw and inlaw and I were having nightmares of little lego's everywhere and one of the dogs eating one and surgery and calamity!  He was still going to unpack them.  He told KRISTY?! to go and get the plastic bins.  She did.  He proceeded to sit on the floor with Kristy and start unpacking all of them.  Envision yourself with each bag of separated parts for you to pull from "a" bag for this part and "b" bag for that part.  You know, separated.  To build it more easily.  Separated.

He began to pull bags apart and start loading lego's into plastic bins.  The women in the room scratching their heads as he just opened each bag and cavalierly tossed them in this bin or that.  When he had done that for an entire building set, he pushed the box aside and opened the next.  THEN he started with the bags again and started pouring them into the plastic bins!  OK, WAIT.  None of the parts were being labeled and he was arranging them in the bins by like pieces.  Kristy had that "WTF are you doing" look on her face.  We asked, why in the world was he removing the organization of these kits and mixing everything up?  There was a good answer, he didn't want to make any of the things in the boxes.  He wanted to build his own things out of the lego's.  WHAT?  It should be said here that he was brilliant and a mechanical engineer.  In another time every woman in the room would have rolled her eyes, lamented his intelligence and walked away.  Right now, though...not so much.

While he and KRISTY!? kept unpacking parts, Meg would hide an unopened box and Kristy did the same when she could get away from the lunatic on the floor with lego's. He managed to get 4 of the 6 boxes open and taken apart before the hiding had concluded.

Those bins needed to be up in his office so the dogs couldn't get into them.  They took up residence next to the big read Craftsman tool box that was hanging off the edge of the desk because he got his way.  They couldn't be around his chair.  Thank the stars.  

Fast forward to me coming home after he died.  I was doing some straightening up.  I got the dust buster out for one reason or another and went to empty the collection chamber.  As it poured into the trash can a yellow lego came rushing out with the dust. The picture was taken and Meg and Kristy got their smile for the day.  That guy.....

Gary Chronicles - Event 13 - The Morning He Decided - Hospice House

My sweet sister just finally read through these.  She said she was back in the room.  We both go back to the room from time to time.

Kristy and I were gone from our homes for 2 months.  2!  That's a long time to not sleep in your own bed. Meg, Kristy and I danced around the question....Jesus Christ how much longer!?

No one wants to have someone die faster, usually.  This is the hospice lesson, questioning how much longer you can keep pace is a very reasonable question.  The whole village, it took all of us to take care of him.  He spent $14K in the last 30 days of his life.  He had brain metastasis meaning the cancer spread to his brain.  He lost sight in one eye.  His hearing was fine one day, for shit the next day, complete with turning the TV up so loud the dust wanted to leave the house!

Getting him to accept hospice was an uphill push.  He kept asking why I was so gung-ho about it.  So, I dropped it until he was ready.  Everyone who came by from hospice was very nice.  He wasn't a huge fan of the social worker.  I think, she thought that social working was social time.  She answered her phone for clearly non-work related calls and he was all done with her.  His consistent nurse case manager was excellent.  She had a great way of making things his idea and presented with options always.  (Married men, you should know that this is a woman skill that has been used on you, repeatedly, and will continue to be, because it works.  This or hearing it out of another man's mouth.) We talked about the in-patient unit for when he was ready.  He stayed resistant to the in-patient unit until he didn't.

On a Sunday, he was having increased pain.  We weren't able to keep up with it and he was frustrated.  We called the hospice and the nurse called us back to triage over the phone.  Luckily, it was his case manager who was on call that weekend so she called us back.  I stayed out of the way and the conversation. The nurse spoke to my sister (the go-between as assigned by Gary) about his pain and getting it getting worse and all the things.  Somehow I got the phone in my hands.  I asked the nurse if she would talk to him directly about the need for the in-patient unit.  She did and she convinced him.  I took the phone back and we scheduled the time we would arrive at the in-patient unit.

So I mentioned to everyone that our scheduled time in would be in about 4-ish hours.  You see, the boy couldn't do anything quickly.  He had to ease into the idea.  Then he had to ease into the idea of the idea happening.  Then he needed to ease into it happening.  Then he had to ease into it being done in a certain time.  Then he had to ease into the idea of getting ready.  You get what I am saying.... this was an amplification of him usually, it wasn't just after cancer came along, that just made it worse.  Ask anyone who knew him...Did Gary need amplification?.... go ahead, take your time, you'll come up with the answer.

Meg asked him if he would like her to pack his backpack for him and he said yes.  She knew what he would want, knew what to pack and did it.  In true Louk form, he then questioned every damned thing she could possibly put in it.  Headphones, pjs, phone charger, on and on.  I won't tell you about the computer equipment he thought he would need.  It's too much.

On the way there he wanted to stop at a convenience store.  Apparently, when he was traveling for work he would stop at these gas station convenience stores and buy an egg salad or tuna salad sandwich.  You know the ones that come in a little triangle package?  So those.  When I look at one of those all I can think about is the misery of a mayo induced case of food poisoning.  **shiver**. So he opted for 2 sandwiches, egg and tuna. I'm still shivering and almost gagging.

Once we arrived at the in-patient unit, Shepherd's Cove, he proceeded to eat BOTH sandwiches in the car before we could go in.  He was riding with Meg so I don't know the conversation around all that, BUT I bet Meg was just doing a lot of nodding.  Just nod and smile and get to the place.  Rinse...repeat.  2 sandwiches.  2.  This is the kid who couldn't drink a whole boost.  2 sandwiches.  Gross ones.  With mayo.  From the convenience store.  Down the hatch like a pelican with its beak strait up and swallowing furiously.  I don't know if he thought no one would ever feed him again or what but, 2.

Louk men are all the same.  They are fun, funny, infuriating, fun loving, infuriating, clever, infuriating, witty.  He walks into the Cove and struts up to the end of the hallway where the nurses station is.  Along the way folks have been telling him that is room is BACK that way.  We passed it. His reply was that he needed to get the lay of the land and find the exits.  **3 sets of eyes rolling**

Once we were in his room, he got settled, the staff came in to introduce themselves and HE told them all the rules.

He knew when he walked through the door he wasn't coming out.  The three of us knew it, too.

Gary Chronicles - Event 12 - Ativan and getting neat and tidy

I will be adding some more funny ones soon.  Promise. This one is but frustrating.

 

Gary’s 43 yo heart doesn’t know to stop.  It just doesn’t.  Also, Louk.  For the last few days he has been agitated.  His tailbone is taking a lot of pressure but he is just confused enough to not stay on a side to help relieve the pressure.  No skin is broken…yet.

 

G was started on Ativan a couple of days ago.  For all my nursing friends, we all know what it looks like when Ativan is NOT your drug.  Instead of being calmer and relaxed, he has been awake for about 12-14 hours a day.  Agitated, pleasantly, but agitated.  It’s like he has been catholic for a couple of days….stand up, sit down, kneel, stand up, sit down, kneel, …..  Yesterday while I was here (SIL and Kristy and I are alternating) and he was wiggly.  We were able to get the nurse in to see his tail feathers during one of his standing acrobatics episodes.  He either leans on me and puts his head on my shoulder or we stand forehead to forehead.  This time he was looking at me, while standing.  He’s been confused and wiggly with busy hands.  He puts his hands up to my shoulders and starts to straighten my shirt.  You know, how the shoulders get off balance and they need to be fixed before you can pull the shirt straight.  He smiled and continued to straighten.  By pleasantly confused you can see that was a pleasant moment between us.

 

A couple of hours later he wanted to stand again. This time we pivoted to the chair so we could straighten out the bed before putting him back in it.  He is sitting in front of me, I’m rubbing his back.  Well, his spine, you can’t go back and forth across his back because his scapulars stick out so far it is impossible to do so.  SO, if you are a pudgy girl, like me, when you sit down in a chair for a long time and you have shorts on, the shorts tend to bunch up.  Then you get up and straighten them up.  Sit down, rinse, repeat.  OK…back to the story.  He’s sitting in front of me.  I feel something on my leg and look down. He is straightening my shorts!  He looks up and says, silently, *wrinkled*.  So he got me all straightened around and back to bed he went.

 

This kid…..

So when you have family who stays with the patient who takes care of all the issues with the patient in the catholic exercise agitation, the staff don't have to deal with it.  The doc and staff here have been great.  They have been trying to get to the sweet spot, truly.  The Ativan was a wild card.  Anyway, I talked to the doc this morning and said we are leaving around 1p because we are all exhausted.  Just letting him know.  My SIL, Meg had been up with him allllll night.  Leaving him altogether wasn't really the plan BUT as Gary said, only lessons that cause a little bit of pain sink in.  The staff needs to feel the pain of the agitation going on in here.

As I said, the doc has been great and he decided to double up on medication to keep him calm.  Was it my convo or Meg's convo that did that?  I feel it was Meg's.  He had the orders and he was putting in while I was talking to him.  Looking across Gary at Meg's face and exhaustion made an impact.  Very articulate, is she and her face backed her up.  Gary told me once that Meg is way smarter than he is and he is a smart motherfucker.  Just like that.  No embellishment.

Hopefully the efforts made by staff and doc today will be effective. He needs the rest as much as we do.

Gary & Dad Chronicles - Kristy - Event 11

 "Kristy!" "Kristy!" "Kristy!"..... these men.

You should know that if there is a heaven anywhere at all, Kristy is going.  No question and no having to account for any transgressions.  Nope.

Dad got sick about 13 years ago.  He had an abscess on his spine that was operated on and cleaned out, twice.  The first one was 17 days from pain starting and after the man went to 5 different ERs.  Finally a doc admitted him to see what was what.  After that he went to a nursing home for some rehab.  He went home with Kristy after that.  Blah Blah Blah, second surgery (they told us it would likely be back for another wash out) to the nursing home on killer antibiotics.  Again, he went to live with Kristy.  Fast forward 12 years.  She had taken care of everything she possibly could.  Series of out-patient surgeries, stents in various arteries, neurology, VA doctors, kidneys, eyes, teeth....  I won't be able to name all of them.  Just know that it was the longest 12 years of her life, in my opinion.  The last few years he was alive were particular challenging with conspiracy theories and forgetting things and forgetting that he even was told something he shouldn't forget.  

The refrain above is the sound track of her life.  The voice of Dad, and now Gary, saying her name is laced with the same inflection, the barrage of orders, the impossibility of finishing one order before moving to the next.

As most of you know, Dad died on February 1.  Gary is slated to go pretty soon.  We have been in AL for about 6 weeks going into the 7th.

So these 2. Phew. Which way was better:

Dad.  He couldn't hear.  One ear in particular was troublesome. He was forever leaning in with...beg your pardon?....I'm sorry I didn't hear you?....come again?....  Consequently, everything he did was loud.  He would call for her and she would be on her way and he is calling for her again.  He woke our mother up at 0430 every damned day and said...Brenda, have you seen my keys?  I don't know why SHE didn't' kill him! I don't know how Kristy did it all those years, but for anyone who loved Wes Louk, you have her to thank for keeping him alive for another 12 years.  You're Welcome.

Kristy and I knew that Dad was not doing well on a couple of fronts, medically.  Of course, Gary was about 1.5 years in to a 2 year diagnosis with Colon Cancer.  We discussed the shittier situation that was facing us.

1.  Dad dies first - Shitty for Gary to lose Dad. BUT we would be able to concentrate on nothing but Gary and managing one Louk man would be quite enough for all of us. If they were both alive when Gary needed help, well I can't imagine how many people she or I would have killed by now.

2.  Gary dies first - Shitty because Dad would lose a child.  I can't possibly think of anyone to wish that on.  Dad wasn't super good with emotions.  He was good with a "love you". "you alright, baby". "it'll be fine, baby".  Losing someone in this way and having to deal with those deep emotions for himself would have been impossible.

So when you are trying to think about how every event should go, the option #1 was the better option. Selfishly, it made things easier to handle without Dad here.  I've already been short with Kristy and with Gary at one point, if Dad had been in the mix AND Kristy or Gary wanted to murder him,  I can't.

It is still shitty that Gary had to lose Dad in addition to all he is going through.  He is about as good as Dad handling hard stuff.  Gave us the opportunity to just be with Gary.

The beginning phrase of "Kristy!" "Kristy!" "Kristy!" started again when we got to AL.  Same inflection.  Same need for full throttle answers and actions.  Not sustainable.  She was here the last time we came down and I stayed for about a week.  Kristy stayed for a couple of weeks after I left.  She was wrung the fuck out.  I think she would have walked home rather than stay longer.

This phrase from Gary was her spine flashbacks of Dad.  Gary and Dad were alike in every way.  I'm not cutting this one thing out that was better in either of them.  Full tilt.  Her exhaustion was 12 years old already.  This time when we came back, I'm not leaving with out her and it will only be hours to days for Gary now.  This is shitty to everyone in every way.

Gary Chronicles - Entry 9 - you have to laugh....

You have to laugh.  You just have to laugh in these situations.  There really isn’t another way to survive it.  The last few days have been exhausting, needing to be finished with it all, all the while, needing him not to die.  

 

Gary is in the inpatient unit for the hospice he is with.  The inpatient unit is incredibly beautiful and save for exactly one nurse, all staff members have been wonderful.  The nurse I am speaking of is medically exact but her approach leaves a lot to be desired.  Not talkative and minimizes what the family is telling her. Now I have seen families who are hindering the care of the patient.  We aren’t them.  They set up a neb treatment, I take it off and turn off the machine.  Needs to have new water or sprite? We do that.  If they try to give him food we make sure everything is set up and take care of doing whatever he needs, which is sip of chicken broth, if he gets anything down.

 

Anyway, Gary is so frail.  He fell about a month ago and didn’t break anything.  I just can’t understand how, but he didn’t.  Right along he has wanted to get out of the bed and go to the bathroom.  Even got a bath one day!  The walking to the bathroom was getting harder and harder.   Night before last he was walking to the bathroom.  I stand in front of him, he puts a hand on each of my shoulders and we walk carefully to the bathroom.  My job is to hold on to his PCA and the medication bag.  Once we are in the bathroom, my job is to continue holding the PCA and bag AND hold the back of his shirt back so he can see what he is doing.  This time in particular, all things had been accomplished and it was time to go back to the bed.  Queue the circus music and everyone gets ready to walk through the room.  He puts his hands on my shoulders and we start walking.  I know I am going to slow for him.  Know how I know that?  I’m glad you asked.  He smacked my ass and said giddy-up!  AND…queue that circus music again!

 

He woke up a little while later and Kristy was by the side of his bed where his drinks, dip and dip cup are setting.  Everything needs to be just so.  The sprite should be in one position, the dip cup in another location, dip ahead of the dip cup, water should be put a little further away from him.  Kristy moves his sprite cup closer to him and he takes it and drinks some.  Kristy is fussing with his table, and he goes to put the sprite down, then he moves it to another spot on the table, then another.  All the while she is trying to take it back from him.  At this point she looks up and he has the wicked gleam he gets when everyone realizes that he was just being an ass.  He was being a fun ass.

 

Quick to say something rude or sarcastic has disappeared.  As we go, the further his communication decreases to strictly necessary sentences and then just words.  We were still getting little glimpses of the man, but today the communication is just mumbles where he likely isn’t talking to us. It’s the skeleton in the bed who looks worse than ever and skinner than we ever could have imagined.  Meg, Kristy and I have shared some photos between each other.  We delete them after.  They are really meant for us to try to chase down some timing that won’t involve our decisions.  No one needs to see any of that.

So, we eat together here and there.  Check the next update for the hilarity of eating together. 

Gary Chronicles - Event 8 - Sarcasm

 Disclaimer:  I am irreverent and have nursing humor.  Take it as it's intended to be, funny and sarcastic.

I've seen it a hundred times.  A family is in agony because they thought their loved one would die quickly. Sometimes that just ain't so.  They move to comfort care and then second guess.  Ok...irreverent and sarcastic, buckle up.

This kid.  Do you know who Jeff Dunham is?  The ventriloquist who has Ahmed The Terrorist as one of his characters?  Well, look.  It's what he looks like, ravaged as he is.

This kid.  For the last month he has done nothing but order things from amazon.  North of $10K in a month!  Buying what you ask?  I'm glad you asked. 

    Remote control car

    Remote control boat

    Legos

    Large tool boxes that he was going to make up a complete set of tools for Meg

    There is so much more....

At leased,7 BIG lego sets for building some car or another, some military vehicle or another, blah, blah, blah...lego set.  NOW each of these things comes as a kit, with me?  This guy, this fucking guy takes every lego piece out of every set, that could have been sent BACK, and organizes them by their commonality.  In organizers that he ordered.  To go on shelving units that he ordered.  Why did he pull them all apart, you ask?  I'm glad you asked.  Because he wants to build whatever he wants to build.  So it is done.  Thank the stars my BIL came into town and helped to organize everything.  I told you that this guy is an engineer, yes?  He is.  He is absolutely brilliant.  Just like the minds of all geniuses, lunacy!  Absolute coordinator of chaos. 

So all that is enough. NOW imagine a living room in a lovely little house where it is decorated cute with plants and inviting couch and blankets to stay a while and snuggle in.  ***Screech!!*** every god damned box on the planet with shit he will never use is by his chair.  It oozes out of his immediate orbit and starts to take over.  Boxes and organizers for the boxes and....exhausting.  Finally my sister tripped and fell so he would get them message to get his shit out of the way.

But none of that was what I wanted to tell you.  The last 3-4 days have been more exhausting.  He was not getting good management of symptoms, mainly pain, so he was taken to the inpatient center.  It's called Shepherds Cove and it is stunningly beautiful, built to give families room and time to smile and greave together.  They set him up on a PCA-Patient Controlled Analgesia - that will give him continuous pain medication and will allow for him to give himself more every 15 minutes, if necessary.  The night they were getting it started he was wild, pisssed and ready to see fueled with straight adrenaline and leave the building.  We worked all that out.

So this guy is on elephant amounts of medication and we have been getting him up to the bathroom.  Have to go with him because he can't hold his PCA and the bag of medicine and hold his shirt up to see what he is doing (more to make sure he doesn't pee on his shirt) and to be sure he is steady.  Well, today he does all of these things and decides he wants to sit in the chair (my sleeping chair) and try to eat some lunch.  So this guy is as alert as he has been in weeks, sips of this, small bite of that and then he is finished.

Stick with me. Couple things here.  In Alabama those signs that let folks know that it is a no smoking campus?  You know like we have at home.  Well, in Alabama there is a cigarette AND a skoal tin.  So the boy dips.  Put-in a dip and falls to sleep.  Someone will come in and need to do something for him and its, I need to take out my dip, can I pee first, can you just leave that one here., heat my heating pad, fix my bed, I need my sprite and dip cup, the sprite is flat - will you go get me a new one.  OMG.... this guy.

When he is asleep it's hard to know for sure if he is alive.  I won't bore you with the details, just trust me.

So they increased his medication and here is the rub.  The second guessing piece.  He perks up.  Talking to us, audibly clear as a bell.  My first thought was OMG what if they want to send him home.  I know how to take care of him but I don't wanna.  The medical director came in and he was right on the page with this being a mysterious rally and that we were days away.  He doesn't think he should go anywhere and we should be able to the sisters (Meg calls us "the sisters") rather than 100% caregiving.  He's not going anywhere.

Don't you get up and talk to me like you are going to walk out of here and go do something fun.  Don't do that.  I know the rally.  I know the time after the rally.

Now.....real talk for families who have loved ones who are dying.  I give you permission for the following:

1.    Being bone fucking, back breaking and emotionally exhausted 

2.    Feeling like you want it to end because you would could go home and sleep in your own bed.  Then it's dammit, he is 43.  It's bullshit.

3.     In the case of Meg, I am quite sure she will like having her house back from all the space invaders.  I want to me in my own house and no one has even been there!

4.     Just getting the news that it is over.  It's done.  Finally.  2 years of anticipation of the nightmare to come.

And many times over we are thankful that Dad died first and didn't have to lose a child.  To see Gary like this would kill him.  Kristy and I went back and forth with who should go first.  This is the way it turned out and it has allowed us to focus just on Gary.  Worded out the way it needed to.

OK...no more bitching about being tired while I am up at midnight with THIS GUY.

Gary Chronicles - Entry 7 - Emotion

 The Gary Chronicles – Entry 7 – Emotion

 

This is going to be a sad one.  No dripping sarcasm or ridiculous quips.

 

Gary is a marvel, sometimes in a good way and sometimes not.  He is every inch Dad.  100%. I’ve mentioned before that they are so much alike, and Gary didn’t see Dad for a long while when Gary was young. It’s genetic.  I have a 70/30 theory.  Kids come as 70% who they will be.  Parents only have about 30% they can succeed with or fail miserably in molding the young brain.  But this is different.  Gary and Dad… they have the same frame of their bodies, crooked and the left side a little higher than the other.  When they would argue, I promise you it was hysterical.  I asked them what it was like arguing with the guy in the mirror.  Hand gestures, same side eye.  Most of all they were true to themselves.  Both of them would say fuck you and move on if crossed.  They meant that shit to the core.  If one of you were cut off by either it would be final and it would not be recoverable.  They loved just as fiercely.

 

The more we meet friends of Gary’s the more we understand the guy he’s been in his everyday existence.  My impressions of the men in his life are as follows.

 

1.     Shane & Amy.  They are a matched set.  They love tenaciously and without fear.  But, Shane.  He is like Gary, without malice, quick to laugh, wicked sense of humor.  Shane has said in no uncertain terms that there are escapades with Gary that he will take to his grave.  Not everyone needs to know everything. Shane & Amy came to the rescue when Gary was in particularly strange situation and their house was sanctuary.  Shane came and indulged Gary’s manic flight of ideas; patient with him, knowing he was going to be pulled and pushed in different ways.  Shane is like the rest of us, he doesn’t like people, but he loves Gary without hesitation and with a willingness to announce to the world, as he tells Gary, I love you man.

 

2.     Daniel.  Another good man who will take some things to his grave that relate to Gary. Daniel has no malice.  He did let one story out from their carefree days.  A memory shared with laughter.  Gary has always played things close to the vest.  No one really knows what has gone on in Gary’s head, he doesn’t ever give everyone all the information.  Today I saw the most ridiculously tender moment between Gary and Daniel.  Gary and Daniel have known each other likely for more years than they were strangers.  A testament to Daniel being able to just have an easy friendship with Gary.  As Daniel talked to me today, he said he hadn’t known Gary was an engineer until recently.  What he did agree with us is, Gary is brilliant. To that I also say, Gary wouldn’t have been able to really hang with someone who didn’t have any brain power.  It wouldn’t have been possible.  As Daniel sat with Gary, they were both quiet.  Gary reached out and put his hand on Daniel’s head.  Daniel stayed right there in the moment, stick still.  And then the tears came for both he and Gary.   I love you buddy.  It was genuine.  **is there anything worse than a man crying?  Impossible to go without tears of you who are seeing it**

 

3.     John, my BIL.  John is younger than Gary.  Just by a couple of years. I feel curtain this has been a difficult thing to deal with.  Gary was around when John and Kristy started dating.  That’s a long time.  John drove 10+ hours to come to Alabama and see Gary.  He was a godsend for one thing… he understands Gary’s language with tools and organizing the 7 zillion things Gary has purchased in the last month.  John patiently listened to Gary’s requests.  Then he got up and did things that needed doing while Gary slept and got the hell out of the house if I was giving Gary tough love.  That tough love typically equals me yelling at him with a quick “I’ve had it” moment.  It’s been hard on John already and hearing the raising of voices is just the cherry on top.  John fixed or fixed as much as possible, around the house.  He also moved around furniture to suit Gary’s manic flight of ideas and an inability to stay on task.  John was so patient with him.  He knew all of the right spots to joke or agree with Gary.  He understood when Gary was worn out and needed to rest and took Gary’s queues innately.  John and I learned to speak with only our eyes. Had to be done!  Moral to this story is no one can be more appreciative of his kindness.  Another good man.  John is a good cut up too.  Never a dull moment but also a good example of someone who must be pretty smart.  You have to be to stand on the same level with Gary.

 

Gary and John have a unique relationship.  They both lost Dad. Dad lived with John and Kristy for the last 12 years.  For Dad being a pain in the ass, he was like the other men I have listed, without malice, he was good to have around.  Even though John isn’t blood surely doesn’t mean that John didn’t lose some one important.  Gary wanted more time with Dad and we couldn’t quite get there.

 

Each of these men love fiercely and love Gary that way.  He may have played things close to the vest, but you always knew where you stood with him.  Gary stood with these men.