Love

So sometimes I feel like I am the only one on the planet not really getting it.  I’m not.  I’m the only one on the planet in my skin not getting it…… The longer I go and the more I learn the more I know that I am on many levels doing it right.  No one is completely right, ever.  No one is finished learning how to do it better, ever.  I’m no exception.  But let us review and see if I have some things figured out.

Should you help people you love?  Yes, as long as offering and giving that help does not destroy you or endanger you.

Should you help people you love in a different way then you loved them before?  Yes, as long as loving them and paying attention to what they need doesn’t turn into your own self-destruction.

Should you love people unconditionally?  Yes, but that doesn’t mean that you should love them stupidly and blindly.

Should you love someone who has hurt you?  Yes, but that doesn’t mean you should open yourself up to be hurt again.  That old saying about forgiving and forgetting….that’s wrong.  Forgive yes, forget hell!  Never forget.  Remember for your own protection and emotional health is not the same thing as a grudge.

Should you love people you know to be flawed? Well, of course.  Everyone is flawed.

Should you expect to be loved no matter what?  No.  That’s where the “yes, but” answers end.

Did you notice a pattern?  Yes, but.  That’s the pattern.  There is never a clear cut yes and always yes answer.  Grown-ups….real grown-ups know this is the case.  People who refuse to grow up are not so sure of this fact.  Even when it comes to your children…assuming you have them and assuming you love them, which is not necessarily an automatic.  I love my children.  There will never be another answer to that question then yes, I love them.  NOW….there is a but…the but is just because I will always love them doesn’t mean I won’t drop them at the police station if I find drugs in their purses, that’s love.  Just because I love them doesn’t mean I won’t tell them they are absolutely wrong in the way they have treated someone.  Just because I love them doesn’t mean I can’t HATE an act or action on their part.  I am not speaking of them here nor is this motivated by them. (Hi Em & Mags! Love ya)

I guess I am just trying to reconcile to myself that even though I have been hurt in places and by people it is ok to continue to love them.  Insulate from the dangers, but still love them.  I can help at arm’s length and still be a true help.

A friend of mine told my oldest daughter recently that I am the only person that she has ever known that absolutely loves people despite being hurt by them, despite their faults and still helps these people and wants what is best for them.  She said that is the way it is supposed to be.  I guess it is and I don’t know if it is true that I do that, but it sure was a nice thing to say.  I hope it’s true.  I hope everyone I love knows I will try to make it true.  I hope everyone I love knows that I will do it openly, but now very cautiously as well.

You see, by firing people in my life who aren’t doing me any good I have gained the confidence to make the people in my life who are worth my effort really worth my effort.  Weeding out the brush makes way for more flowers to grow.  Firing people from your life isn’t a bad thing…it’s a good thing.

Yeah, yeah…I know all that Christian mumbo jumbo and all that “girl” propaganda about always being nice to people.  But let’s be real, I don’t have to be nice to you if you’re an ass and if you cause me pain.  By not being nice to you that does not mean I will intentionally be mean to you or work to destroy you.  I just won’t….won’t work to be nice to you or work to be mean to you.  You just won’t have my time or energy.  It has been said that living well is the best revenge.  That is the truest thing ever spoken.  Being happy, loving the people you love, knowing you are loved by them and doing right by them….what kind of revenge is better for the people who have hurt you to have thrown in their faces then for them to see you smile and laugh.

I witnessed a beautiful wedding this past weekend.  Someone I truly love married someone she is sure is well worth the effort of being married to and making a new family with.  I don’t know that I will ever have the courage again but I don’t know anyone more worthy of having it work out then she is.  She is strong and loves like no one else I have ever known…consistently.  Anyone who can honor that with her will have a long and happy marriage to her and life with her.

Hopefully, as we have gotten older together this friend and I have learned that even though some people will remain in our lives, they can be fired just the same.  It is possible to do all you can to be civil and fair and not be taken advantage of or take any more sh*t from someone.  That’s maturity.  That’s the grown up of which I speak.  Knowing how to love and how to cut your losses and knowing who a new bond and relationship can be developed with and who it just shouldn't be attempted with is the challenge and the goal.  It’s a gift when you have someone in your life that can help you with the losses that need to be cut and embrace your ability to continue to love others.

So here is the moral to the story….love.  It’s gonna hurt every now and then if you are doing it right.  I must be doing it right cause it has for sure hurt.  Smiles have outweighed tears to date in my life, so I’ll keep going and keep hoping.

My beloved cousin told me during my last year of roller coaster emotions that I don't have to work at making someone else work at loving me.  Sit back and let someone else show me and prove to me they are worth my time.  Be chased, be treasured, don’t be low maintenance, don’t accept bare minimum.  It’s not what I give so it’s not what I should get.  Oh yeah…and the most important thing, don’t get in any relationships with men who are more obviously girls then I am….just sayin.

Go out there and tear it up folks, more smiles then tears.  The one who dies with the most smiles wins :o).